Drowning

I feel like I'm drowning in my life right now.

Slowly

but

surely.

Now, as a lifeguard, I should know how to handle the situation, if we were going on either a literal or metaphorical standpoint. But I really don't. I've been in control of my life (or pseudo-control) for so long now, I don't know how to handle this feeling. I have two completely different ideas in mind, but they would bring me down two completely, dynamically different paths in my life. So this decision is just weighing down on me, like a 50 pound weight that I have to retrieve from the bottom of the dive tank. And for some reason, I just can't get it up. Its almost like its lodged in a corner. But while I'm down trying to retrieve it I'm slowly loosing my oxygen supply that I took the one breath above water to fulfill. Foolish, because this feels like something that I'm going to need an oxygen tank to figure out.

So now I'm stuck at a point where I feel I need to make a decision. I need to come back up to the surface for air. But I don't want to face the possible ridicule that comes with making a different decision that will bring me down a different path than the one I'm on now. I also don't want to pursue something that I don't know if its right for me. That's what I'm doing right now. But there is no option that I know is right for me right now. I just want progression. I want something in my life to progress, and not stay at the standstill that it is now. I want some small source of oxygen while I try to remove the 50 pound weight.

Is that too much to ask?