Einunddreißig; Es ist fertig gestellt.

Day 31 - A picture of yourself

This picture was taken since the beginning of this challenge. And since the beginning of the challenge, I feel like a lot has changed in my life. My want to move out of my parents house and become independent has become even stronger... And then my goals in life have gotten confused. For the past four years I've been on a single path: PA school, and all that. But now I've been thinking about other paths, other things that I could do. And I just don't know if its really what I want to do anymore. And on top of that, new views have become really appealing to me. And that kind of scares me. Because they are so off track from what I'm used to thinking. What I grew up thinking. And then you have the whole thing where I can't just make a decision to be happy. I'll somehow be selling myself short, in the view of some people in my life. Again, I just need to move out.

I guess this experience has just caused me to think. I feel like it went deeper than it was meant to.

And then you have my confusion in my life. Its brought to life this:

Rainbows in life wouldn't be possible without a little rain.

Dreißig

Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss.

I love this girl! She's pretty much amazing. :)

Little Miss One Big Mess

Alright, so I'm usually not a huge fan of Sugarland. I mean, I like some of their songs. But they get annoying, quickly. But then they come out with a song that totally describes my feelings. Here it is:

Little Miss, by Sugarland

Little Miss down on love

Little Miss I give up

Little Miss I'll get tough, don't you worry about me anymore

Little Miss checkered dress

Little Miss one big mess

Little Miss I'll take less when I always give so much more

It's alright, it's alright, it's alright

Yeah, sometimes you gotta lose 'til you win

It's alright, it's alright, it's alright

It'll be alright again

It'll be alright again, I'm okay

It'll be alright again, I'm okay (I'm okay)

It'll be alright again, I'm okay

Little Miss do your best

Little Miss never rest

Little Miss be my guest, I'll make more anytime that it runs out

Little Miss you'll go far

Little Miss hide your scars

Little Miss who you are is so much more than you like to talk about

It's alright, it's alright, it's alright

Yeah, sometimes you gotta lose 'til you win

It's alright, it's alright, it's alright

It'll be alright again

It'll be alright again, I'm okay

It'll be alright again, I'm okay (I'm okay)

It'll be alright again, I'm okay

Hooooooooooold Ooooooooon

Hooooooooooold On, you are loved

Are loved.......

Little Miss brand new start

Little Miss do your part

Little Miss big 'ole heart beats wide open and she's ready now for love

It's alright, it's alright, it's alright

Yeah, sometimes you gotta lose 'til you win

It's alright, it's alright, it's alright

It'll be alright again

It'll be alright again, I'm okay

It'll be alright again, I'm okay (I'm okay, it'll be alright again)

I'm okay! (It'll be alright again)

Now I could go through this and tell you just exactly how it refers to me... But I won't. Because that would just be repetitive. If you really want to know about me... Read the rest of my blog.

Neunundzwanzig

Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile.

This is a great representation of many moments in my life. It makes me very happy.

Achtundzwanzig

Day 28 - A picture of something you’re afraid of.

I have huge fear of the future. What it will bring for me, and all that stuff. I mean, I used to not be afraid of it at all. But recently my views on things have changed. My goals in life have gotten really skewed and unclear... And it really scares me.

But other than that... Heights.

So I have this really huge, irrational fear. I like hiking and all, but a lot of the really awesome trails have huge cliffs right by them. But my huge irrational fear? That I'm going to slip and die. Honestly, it is. Ugh.

Update

Alright, so I know that I am a little bit behind on the thirty days of pictures thing but my internet was down for a little bit. But all is well, and I will get caught up soon enough.

But today, in my cooking class, our subject was vegetables. I am seriously full off of veggies. I never thought this day would come. Nor that it was possible. I feel so dang healthy. Its kinda unsettling.

Siebenundzwanzig

Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member.

My brother, Jeremy, and I.

I would like to point out my awesome toe socks in this picture.

And the epicness of us looking out at the ocean.

Its deep, its awesome.

Sechsundzwanzig

Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you.

Mesa, Arizona Temple

San Diego, California Temple

Laie, Hawaii Temple

Now, its not really the building that means a lot to me. Although they are amazing and beautiful. Its what the building stands for. And it means the world to me.

Fünfundzwanzig

Day 25 - A picture of your day.

My day was more of shopping for dresses. Not all that exciting.

This was my night. Except it included melting my sandals... And it looked more like this:

But not in sparkler form.

Vierundzwanzig

Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change.

My motivation. Wanting to do something. I mean, I want to do something. I have goals... But actually getting to that point has just been hard as of late. So that's what I wish I could change. I wish I could just become a better student- that I would actually WANT to be a better student. But how do you put that into a picture, really.

Dreiundzwanzig

Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book.

Really really really hard. I mean, really. I love to read, so I get attached to a lot of books. Books that I think that I wont care for, I end up loving, I just love so many different varieties. And then on top of that, I have a horrible memory. So I will totally forget about a book, and then find it two months later. Which I will then read again, and resume loving it again until I forget, again. But lately, I’ve been into church history and stuff. And my mom shoved this book off on me… Which I didn’t think that I would like at all. Well, I was wrong. It was actually really good. Got in done in a couple days, then I read it again.

The Undaunted.

Its by the writer of The Work and The Glory. Which I never read...

Zweiundzwanzig

Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at.

Oh Piano. Why must you include the Bass Clef? I could play anything on you, if you only included the Treble Clef... I know, I know. I could just learn the Bass Clef. I've been playing you for years now. But I just refuse to. So I'll just memorize chords on you, and play that hand like that. And besides, I can tell by ear when you are off. That's another thing, Piano. You're out of tune. Please fix that. And then maybe, just maybe, I can accomplish becoming better at you. :)

Deutsch

Rain... Es regnet Jetzt. Ich liebe die Regen! Ausser wenn Leute fahren langsam in es (don't mind the lack of an es-set. I don't know how to type one of those). Das ist sehr blöd! Uhh! Sehr, sehr blöd!

But anyways. I'll stop typing in German so that people can understand me. But last night I was reminded that I need to keep up on my German... Its really failing right now. Like in a completely sad, horrible way. I have to think to remember simple things. Let alone the past tense and the narrative past tense. Those are completely shot as of now. I mean, I can pretty much read German. And understand it for the most part. But forming my own sentences on the spot, in real time conversation... Meine Deutsche ist hasslich! Yes, I called my German ugly. If it were a person, it'd be the ugliest one yet.

Einundzwanzig

Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget.

A lot of people would think that this would be my ordeal with cancer. But really, its not. I don't care to forget that. Its a part of me now... There isn't any changing it. And I'm done with it now, why would I want to forget it? But as for something that I wish I could forget... There are things. But not really anything that I wish to share with the world.

So let's just go with the sight of a person laying dead in the middle of the road. It was really, really freaky.

No, it didn't look like this.

Zwanzig

Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you’d love to travel

I've been to actually quite a few places in my life. I have yet to reach Europe, but I have been to Beijing, China. And then I took a trip to Hawaii. In fact, I've been to all the western states except Texas. And I've been to a few of the Eastern ones as well (think of New England). So where else do I want to go?

Lately, I've really wanted to visit one place in particular. I mean there are other places (Italy, Germany, Brazil, Chile, Peru, etc). But this place has stuck with me for a while. Because I've heard it is just gorgeous. And there's something about natural beauty that you just can't beat.

Here's to you, Alaska.

Neunzehn

Day 19 - A picture and a letter

What is meant by this. Really? Like a picture of a letter. A letter typed out and then a picture. Do they have to correlate, or what?

So here's my guess:

D

No More

With this post, I am destroying the exponential increase of two from last month to this month. In the terms of the number of posts. Now it is going to be above that... But don't worry, next month there will probably an exponential decrease. So its all good, in the sense of staying fairly constant (which obviously, is a lie. I never post consistently on this darned thing).

But last night, I would just like to get out into the world, totally failed. Its okay, I'm over the fact that it failed. But the fact is it did. Hopefully sometime in the future, I will be able to go bowling again... And not have it lead to confusion.

But on another note, I completely failed at my goal to go camping over spring break that I had decided on long ago. And skiing. And the Renaissance fair. Actually, in the view of plans that I had made and them coming through, this week sucked. But I still managed to have some fun, in the things that happened. Going to FHE on Sunday and Monday... Fireworks after FHE on Monday night with Ambergirl. Finally swimming again on Tuesday. Hanging out with Marissa before she left to the airport Tuesday night. Baptisms for the Dead on Wednesday night. Hanging out with Xochil on Thursday...

Yeah, it was a great week if you look at it that way. Which is the way that I'm going to look at it now.

:)

Achtzehn

Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity.

Alright, well I am actually really insecure about a lot of things. I have times in my life that I have really, really, REALLY crappy self-esteem. I'm not even kidding. Its not a good thing, I know. But I'm getting better. Slowly, but surely.

Dreams

So I've decided that someday, I'm going to be an awesome cook. I'm going to be that person in your ward that you're like: OMGoodness, is she cooking? Because its amazing! I know that this will take some work... But I'm already a decent cook. When it comes to cookies and stuff (which is more baking). I usually don't try my hand at actually cooking of REAL food, but when I do it turns out pretty dang good. And I actually enjoy cooking, its very therapeutic.

But I will encounter some problems: Apparently, I'm a mess in the kitchen according to Amber. But that's okay. Its more of the licking the extra batter type of stuff. And who doesn't do that? Raw batter has a wonderfulness to it that not many things can compare to. It just tastes so good on the tongue. I just love it, so much. But now I've got on a tangent. Another problem that I will encounter is that kitchen stuff is expensive. REALLY expensive. Have you looked at the kitchen-aid prices lately? Its insane. Luckily, my mother said that she would buy one for me when I get married. I just hope its part of the artisan line. Those are amazing. And they come in awesome colors. But again I digress from the point of this post.

So I'm just saying that if, in the future, you hear something about me being some awesome cook... Don't be surprised.

Siebzehn

Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.

Recently. How do you describe recently? Because what made a huge impact on my life within the last four year is cancer. But more recently? It would probably be starting to go to FHE more often. I know it sounds odd, or even a bit sad that this could make such a huge impact… But it really has. It really, really has.

This first FHE I went to in my ward, we played Boggle. It was pretty awesome.

Sechzehn

Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you

I don't have a picture of her on hand, but this one will do:

This is Melissa. She was like a big sister to me growing up. She's amazing, and I miss her so much.

Its A Great Day To Be Alive

"I like it, I love it,

I want some more of it,

I try so hard,

I can't rise about it.

Don't know what it is

'Bout that little gal's lovin',

But I like it, I love it,

I want some more of it."

This song just makes me happy. That's all.

Oh, and I'm just in an oddly happy mood lately.

Other than the fact that Marissa is in the airport right now, getting ready to fly back to china, where I wont see her again until June. But that hasn't really hit me yet. Because this has been a good week so far. I just hope it continues that way. I mean, if things go a certain way, this week could turn out to be AH-MAZE-ING. :)

Funfzehn

Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die

Visit the Schwarzwald, or Black Forest, in Germany.

Vierzehn

Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without

Man... So I've been thinking about this one the past two days. And here's the thing: So many people who I thought I couldn't ever imagine my life without... Well, they are now gone and moved on. And no longer in my life. So really, I've grown to just not imagine that I guess. Although there is one girl right now, who left me to go into the army. And we still text and talk and stuff. And I hope it continues, because I love her so much.

This is to you Heather-girl.

Unglücklich Dreizehn

Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist

Right now, its probably this dude. He is just a never ending fountain of good songs that you can totally sing with.

And my German for this post: Am Fritag der dreizehnte, ich habe kein glück. :)

Zwölf

Day 12 - A picture of something you love

Yes. I posted my car for this one. I realize that makes me look like those really stupid guys that are obsessed with their cars. But its not like that. While I will admit, my Jeep is amazing... If I drove a different car it would probably be up here too. Unless it was lame like a Prius or something.

Elf

Day 11 - A picture of something you hate

Oh, they try and trick you by looking all innocent. But trust me - they SO aren't.

Zehn

Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most messed up things with


This is Xochil. She's insane. Much like me. We do random stuff... For sure.

Neun

Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most

Oh man. What am I supposed to put for this one. I've been through so much crap in my life that several people have been there for me throughout. I guess if you went with the statement of who has gotten me through the MOST, that would imply those that have been doing it the longest. Although I feel like I've been using these two a bunch on the thirty day challenge.

This time the background is right by Tortilla Flat.

Ramblings

So this week I decided that I needed to be a better student. And I think that it might actually turn out that way this time... At least for a bit.

Alright, so I've realized something. Why wear cute underwear that make your butt look good if you are going to wear crappy pants? Yeah, right? So I've decided I need better pants.

Acht

Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh

These posters are the best. You should go through and read all the ones they have. Some of my favorites include, but are not limited to: Blogging, Government, Idiocy, Individuality, and Potential.

Old Men

Well, today I was riding the light-rail back from the Downtown Campus.

Aren't you wondering what story comes next? Let me warn you, just so you don't get all excited and then disappointed when nothing really cool happens. This time someone DOES NOT threaten to kill me. Bummer, right?

Anyways, I was sitting there listening to my iPod when the old guy in the row behind me said something. I took my earphones out and, like most old men, started to tell me about his life. Before I tell you about him, let me tell you ABOUT him. Like what he looked like. He was dressed in like a beige-colored button-up shirt. He had on a navy blue jean hat, with an American flag on the front. Pinned on it was a circle that said "Ask me if I care!" He also had a matching bag, which was worn and had another American flag on it. And then he had one of those fingerless gloves on his hand. And a walking stick.

But anyways, here is this guys life. He was born, and grew up in an orphanage in Texas. When he turned eighteen he went to war. The Vietnam War. He served there, and then he came back. Apparently he became an alcoholic, because he's now been alcohol free for 25 years. Its true, he showed me his token-thing. He lives over by the VA hospital in Scottsdale. He's the second older person where he lives. He refuses to give up personal contact with people, so he knows all the people everywhere he goes. He doesn't give into this automated crap that we have these days. He really doesn't like Bin Laden (who does?). He says if they ever discover his location he will go over there and take him out himself. Even though he's old, apparently he thinks he will be able to handle it.

And the coolest thing of all... He salutes EVERY time he passes a flag on the road. Talk about patriotism. No one is like that anymore.

Props to you, old man. Props to you.

Sieben

Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item

Oh... Hard one. I mean, how can I say what is most treasured? I guess I would probably post a picture of my patriarchal blessing. Except not. So here's my other choice:

Except mine have my name engraved on them. And look prettier. :)

Sechs

Day 06 - A picture of a person you’d love to trade places with for a day

Melanie Smooter from Sweet Home Alabama.

Because it'd be really weird to put up a random picture of a friend. At least to me.

Okay, so this movie is pretty much awesome. One of my all time favorites, by far.

But why would I want to trade places with her?

A) She's awesome. Who wouldn't want to be her?

B) I always wanted to grow up in a small town

C) I WILL own a Coon Hound someday.

D) She has a hot husband who is SWEET. Awesome combination, plus a bit of scruff.

Yes, Please.